Melissa Jeffcott

HOW HAS LIFE CHANGED FOR YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE OF FORTY?

I’ve been on the other side of 40 for a while now, and must admit to really enjoying myself. I am happier within myself these days – much more thoughtful and considered (unless I’m arguing with my 7-year-old, and then I’m back to my pre-teen days…sigh). I am more accepting of who I am, which makes me much less judgemental of others, and I have learned never to open my mouth with a closed mind, but to open my mind and close my mouth more often. Discovering my passion as a writer came as a great surprise during a difficult time when I came close to losing my husband and since starting my blog, Distractions of a Busy Mother, I have connected with so many women on a level I could never have imagined. I am more discerning with my relationships these days, without being unkind, and measure my time (and others’) as being more precious than gold. It’s trite, but true- life is too short to rest on one’s laurels. I’m more willing to take chances with different projects and avenues, and understand that when I work hard, I am always rewarded (though rarely with $ these days!) When I slack off, my life tends to come apart at the seams.

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS IN WRITING AND HOW YOU PUBLISHED A BOOK. WAS THIS HARD TO DO?

Well, probably my greatest writing achievement is my book, Bedtime Stories for Busy Mothers, which is a fully edited collection of essays about life after 40, as a parent, partner and person. Honestly, I really wanted to be ‘discovered’ by a well-known publisher. But after watching my husband go through a life-threatening illness, I decided that I couldn’t wait for someone else to decide I was talented, so I didn’t even try to get a manuscript in front of a publisher. I know how many they receive, and thought self-publishing was a perfect opportunity to learn about a changing industry. My blog essays were always well-received by readers and their positive feedback was enough to give me the nerve to do it. I researched what I had to do, talked to many authors and became active in my local writers’ centre. I learned how to critique others’ work, and also my own, and found the right people to help me launch my ideas (a mentor to help me to plan the project, an editor to slash my work, an artist who knew me and could represent my life on a front cover, a printer who did quality work at a reasonable price, a web page designer to help promote my values and a videographer to showcase my passion for what I write about).
I did most of the legwork myself to promote and sell the book, and sold over 1000 copies in the first 6 months, which is considered successful for an independently published local author.
It was a huge learning curve, and if I thought self-publishing was hard work, then the self-promotion and marketing of my own product was torturous. Standing in front of people being one’s own publicist and number one fan is extremely difficult. That’s the best thing about being traditionally published- to have people do all that stuff for you! But it’s made me more confident at public speaking and crash-tackling shoppers who look like they’re a mother or know a mother! Must put that one my CV actually – do you think LinkedIn will accept a new skill set?

HOW DO YOU BALANCE THE DEMANDS OF YOUR OWN NEEDS WITH RAISING A FAMILY?

I’m an all or nothing type of person, and balance is not my strong point although I wax lyrical about it to others. I try to do my paid work while the children are at school and in the evenings, but the last few years of my writing career have really sapped my ability to be a good mother and partner too. I finally learned to meet my own need for self-actualisation after years of caring for others, and it became an addiction. I found it difficult to stop, and demanded more and more ‘me’ time, to ironically, write about the importance of spending time with my family and how I manage parenting ups and downs. If I had been a little more balanced, the book journey would have taken longer, and my family might have had more ups and less downs. We’re okay now I’ve taken a regular paid role and spend less time at the keyboard, but overdoing a passion took its toll and I’m glad I realised when I did.

 WHAT ARE SOME SIMPLE THINGS THAT YOU DO FOR SELF CARE?

I spend quality time with people I love.
I read great books and put down anything that I don’t get into after 5 pages – there are a gazillion books to read and I’ll never read them all, so I only want to read the ones that speak to me straight up.
I spend time (and money!) in stationery shops, book shops, libraries and art galleries, soaking up the sensory beauty of them all.
I say ‘no’ more often when I mean ‘no’, and stay away from people and situations that stress me out as often as I can.
I listen to my body more these days and am learning its limitations!

DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR WOMEN THINKING OF MAKING A BIG CHANGE IN SOME AREA OF THEIR LIFE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF FORTY?

Take time to research yourself. Who are you? What floats your boat? What do you LOVE. What do you HATE? What are your strengths, weaknesses (Do a SWOT analysis and a MindMap about you and BE HONEST!)
If you’re a planner, make a life-plan/business-plan/personal-plan. It doesn’t have to be perfect – but it should be realistic and changeable. Sort of goal-setting, but really, just gives you an idea of what you want, how you’re going to get it and by when. Okay, who am I kidding? It’s goal setting.
Start a journal – helps you clear the busy-ness out of your mind and gives you space to reflect and problem-solve.
If you don’t like to plan, then just go for it. Stop doing things that make you unhappy. Only you can change your life.
Talk to friends and family about your ideas. Take or leave their advice, pick their brains and learn from them if you can – people want to help you.
Find a life-coach to help you on your journey – try them on for size first though- listen to your instincts.

FINAL PARTING WORDS?

The one thing I feel I know now is that we’re all doing the same thing. Different characters, plots and settings, with the occasional twist, but essentially, our storylines are parallel. Nobody is living an easy, stress-free life, and we all have challenges. The beautiful woman who looks like she has it all. Doesn’t. The superwoman who can balance work, love, kids and hobbies. Can’t always. The family who seems to be getting on perfectly. Isn’t. What you see when you look at others’ lives are tips of complex icebergs.
I am learning where my sphere of influence lies and trying to understand the boundaries. I don’t waste time with pleasantries when I meet a potential friend. I jump straight in in there with the big guns- what makes you tick? What floats your boat? What sinks it?
My biggest challenge as I edge closer to 50 is continuing to be honest when I ask myself those same questions.

Caylie Jeffery is a freelance writer, owner of Mindful Matter Publications and author of Bedtime Stories for Busy Mothers.  You can connect with Caylie in the following ways:
W: http://www.cayliejeffery.com.au
E: caylie@cayliejeffery.com.au
FB: http://www.facebook.com/BedtimeStoriesBusyMothers
TW: @CaylieAuthor

Thank you so much Caylie, there are so many nuggets of wisdom contained within your words, and I highly recommend Caylie’s book to any busy mum’s out there. If you have any comments, I would love to hear them below.