Melissa Jeffcott

“Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn”
― Orson Welles

If you are anything like me, you totally love the idea of having a distinct sense of your own style, but somewhere along the line you have lost sight of it…

I used to love quirky fashion when I was younger, and really enjoyed putting some interesting and individual looks together.  After those heady days of wearing pork pie hats, giant crucifix earrings, gold velvet hot pants and silver bomber jackets (reason 456 that I am thankful social media didn’t exist back then!) I sensibly retreated to a fairly safe corporate wardrobe for most of my 20’s, before switching to mum attire for my 30’s (i.e. what ever still fitted and didn’t have food stains all over it!)

On the other side of forty, I have longed to rediscover my style (although definitely not the hot pants!) but seem to have gotten stuck as to what suits me, looks stylish and fashionable, but not too young or too old on me, and hides the bits that I don’t love (all within a budget of course!)

I clearly needed help, so I turned to the lovely Anne from Style Joy to steer me in the right direction..

What are the key pieces you would recommend that every woman has in her wardrobe?

Classic pieces that can be worn in many different ways such as perfectly fitting jeans, killer black pants, shirts (white / black / denim), a tailored black jacket or cardi depending on your everyday needs, basic (underneath tops / tshirts), a stylish pair of ankle boots….then accessories to change up the look with different earrings, necklaces , scarves, hats, etc.

What are the benefits of having a personal shopping experience?

My clients love the idea of all the looking and hard work done for them. For me its not hard work to research and have great knowledge of what is available in each shop, so when a client comes to me with a brief and budget, I know before the shop where to go and what pieces will be suitable for them. This saves them time and gives them more confidence to try things they wouldn’t usually try on their own – no more wandering around aimlessly in a shopping centre all day getting frustrated and coming home with nothing OR the wrong thing.

A personal shopping experience gives women a new found appreciation for their style and how looking good makes them feel good. I always notice this sparkle in my client’s eyes once we are about 45 minutes into the shop and have started finding pieces that look great on them – I see a new found confidence and excitement in how they see themselves.

Where should you start if you have no clue what your style is anymore?

Start with Pinterest, Instagram or magazines, and look at which fashion pics you admire…there is absolutely no reason you cannot recreate the looks and style you like to suit your body shape, budget and lifestyle.

Are there any fashion trends you should avoid as you get older?

Anything that doesn’t feel comfortable should not be worn….and that goes for all ages.

5 Quick Questions for Anne from Style Joy

1. My favourite go to outfit is…Jeans, a statement top, amazing shoes and my hair up in a bun.

2. My favourite place to shop is…David Jones, as it has so much great variety, but Zimmerman is my favourite brand.

3. My favourite accessory is…my mum’s vintage snake skin clutch, and my antique diamond ring my husband bought me after we had our second child!

4. My most embarrassing fashion moment…overdoing an outfit with too many accessories….I certainly learnt that less is always more!

5. The best part of my job is…seeing the satisfaction and joy my clients get when they have found those perfect pieces that make them look and feel amazing! After every shop with a client I can’t wipe the smile off my face because I love that I have helped make them feel so good about themselves. 🙂

If you live in Melbourne, and like the sound of Anne helping you rediscover your style (it’s totally worth it!) simply mention ‘The Other Side of Forty’ to receive 15% off any personal shopping service until October 2015.  See http://www.stylejoy.com.au for more info and to contact Anne, I know she’d love to hear from you! You can also follow her on Instagram @STYLE_JOY

What are thoughts on style as you get older, do you have a good sense of your own style or is this an area you need a little help in? Let me know in the comments below..

 Hands up if you would like to get more sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and full of energy, ready to bounce into your day? If your hand is down, there could only be one of two reasons:

You are one of those annoyingly bouncy people who go to bed super early with your gym gear already laid out in preparation for your early morning run on the beach/Instagram brag (ok, you can take your green smoothie and leave for yoga now).

OR

Your hand is down because you have no energy to raise it, because you are so exhausted by the constant interrupted and/or lack of sleep that you experience being a parent/on the other side of forty/just being alive.

Now that those pesky perky ladies have left, I am here to tell you that I completely understand that life can be pretty exhausting, however there are a few basic things that you can do to help yourself enjoy a more well rested night, and hopefully feel better equipped to take on the busy demands of each new day.

Firstly, and this might come as a shock (not) to some of you, but no one in your family is actually going to notice that you are tired. Does your husband come home from work, notice you’re done in and immediately start preparing a delicious nutritious meal your whole family will eat, whilst offering to give you a foot rub after dinner (um, if he does, then can I please borrow him?) Will your kids take a look at you at 7.00pm and say “Gee mum, you look exhausted. Let me have a shower and quietly put myself to bed while you have a glass of wine and check your Facebook feed.” No, it is up to you and only you to make sure you are looking after yourself, and if you need some help to do that, then guess what? You have to ask for it! Women have been waiting since the dawn of time for their partner’s to read their minds, and unless you are married to a clairvoyant, I would say the chances of them always anticipating your needs are slim to none. So make sure that you actively (and nicely) ask for help to get your kid’s night time routine done with a minimum (or at the very least not a maximum) of fuss.

Once the little darlings are in bed and finally asleep (two very different things, I know!), chances are you are slumped in front of the TV, too exhausted to think of doing anything besides getting yourself a cup of tea and a choccie. Before you know it is late, and you are berating yourself for watching that episode of Sex and the City you have already seen 342 times. By the time you get to bed, have set your alarm (and have one last check of all forms of social media known to mankind) you are feeling a little frustrated, and resign yourself to another night of tossing and turning while mentally making to do lists in your head. But I doesn’t have to be that way, and I am here to give you the benefit of my wisdom (or at the very least a few handy tips).

Do not automatically go for the couch and the TV.

I have pretty much stopped watching TV in the past few months and my life is much better for it. There might be one or two shows that I actually like to watch each week, so I will consciously sit and watch those. But the days of mindlessly sitting flicking through the channels, and watching someone get bad tattoos on 7Mate because nothing else is on are long gone. Ask yourself if this program benefits me in some way, and if not then switch that idiot box off and go to bed (unless there is a movie with Ryan Gosling in it – you are always allowed to stay up late for the Gos!

Use a dump diary.

It doesn’t sound as pretty as a gratitude journal, and by all means write down what you are grateful for as well, if that works for you. However, it can be a great help to just dump all the ‘stuff’ that is in your brain in order to stop ruminating on it until the wee hours. This is for your eyes only, so get it all out of your head and onto some paper, no matter how petty or silly you might think it is. Then in the morning, you can transpose what’s important on to your daily to do list, and throw the rest of that brain dump in the trash (make sure it’s the recycling of course).

Make your bedroom a warm and inviting space.

Now, I am not talking about candles and flowers and sexy lingerie (although please go for it if you want to). What I am talking about, is the basket of laundry on the floor full of clean clothes that sits there until someone comes scrounging for clean undies and tips them everywhere. Or the bathroom towels that are hanging on the floor. Or the piles of paperwork stacked on your chest of drawers. Even if you just move all this stuff out of the bedroom and into another room, having a clean and inviting space to sleep can help to settle the body and mind.

I know you don’t want to hear it, but I am going to tell you anyway. You need to break up with your phone/iDevice.

Your bedroom is not the place for this relationship. Trust me, I have been there, I have canoodled with Candy Crush, flirted with Facebook, and inspired myself with Instagram till the small hours, when in reality I should have been simply seducing sleep. “But my phone is my alarm”, I hear you say. Ha ha, I have told myself this too and I don’t believe you anymore than I believed myself: just buy yourself a cheap alarm clock, you know you can’t be trusted!

So there you have it, my advice for bringing more rest and less stress into your life. If you are able to make at least one or two changes, then I guarantee you are on the road to getting a better nights sleep. If you manage to score a foot rub as well, then I’d say life just got a whole lot better!

This post was first published on The Working Mums Collective, a fantastic place for working mums to connect, share stories, celebrate successes and really support and empower each other no matter what journey they are on.

‘Coaching is about making an action plan that moves you forward from where you are to where you want to be’

Not that long ago, I would have been one of those people who had very little idea of what a life coach actually was. If I had ever heard the term, I vaguely (and I admit, judgementally) thought of someone that a certain type of woman might visit in between appointments with her personal Pilates conditioning expert and her feng-shui colour consultant. Yes, you could surmise that a life coach wasn’t something I thought ‘normal’ everyday women would utilise and gain benefit from. Well how wrong could I be? Life coaching is taking off in a big way (according to Australia’s Life Coaching Institute, it’s the second fastest growing industry in the world), and thanks to Skype, Facebook groups, and email support, being coached is something that is now feasible for many busy women, no matter where they live or how time poor they are.

“But why would you see a life coach, isn’t it a bit indulgent?” I hear you ask (well, I don’t really hear you, I am not a spiritual life coach!) To which, I answer: Is wanting to be a better version of yourself indulgent? A better mother? A better partner? A better friend? Since training to be a life coach, and being coached by some great coaches myself, I can honestly say that this is a service that EVERY woman I know could benefit from. This is because of one simple reason. No one, and I mean no one has got all of their shit together all of the time- despite what some people’s Facebook and Instagram feeds try and show us!

We all feel like we are juggling balls in the air at times, and sometimes it is inevitable that one or more of those balls will fall. In today’s society, there can be an expectation on many forty something women to be loving mothers, amazing housekeepers and chefs, wonderful wives, fun loving friends, diligent workers, carers to elderly parents, and not to mention to still be able to comfortably fit into your pre-children skinny jeans and keep the grey hair at bay (phew!) We may feel some or all of these expectations, and we might face pressure that we put on ourselves, or that we receive from other people. Either way, the burden of these expectations can add up to a feeling of overwhelm and frustration pretty damn quickly.

I believe that each and every one of us has unfulfilled dreams, desires, and goals we want to accomplish, that can easily get stifled and squashed down by our busy everyday lives (I know mine did for many years). This doesn’t have to mean that you are necessarily leading an unhappy or unsatisfying life. What it does mean, is that our non-stop day to day routines do not allow for regular opportunities to pause and reflect, and to acknowledge how certain situations make you feel, and whether there are areas in your life that you could improve.

This is where a good life coach like me (insert shameless plug!) can come to the rescue. Someone who asks you those probing questions, and gets you to think about what it is you truly want in your one precious life.  In other words, how you want to FEEL. Can you think of the last time someone truly asked you how you feel (and no I’m not talking about the text from your girlfriend after the bottle of champagne you shared last weekend!) A life coach can help you discover or rediscover the things that light you up inside, that give you energy, vitality and add richness to your life. Because, I truly believe that no matter how many kids you have, or how demanding your job is, there is still a way to live your life in alignment with how you truly want to feel. It’s just that we don’t stop and think about this stuff too often (if at all).  Having someone who listens to you, really hears you, and acts as an advocate for you can be incredibly empowering, and you can certainly find out a lot about the type of person you are and who you want to become (oh, and by the way, it’s never too late…)

Perhaps you would like a more calm and connected household, or to create a business that you love, or to feel more joy and vitality in your everyday…life coaching with me can help you get there. Just click HERE and set up you time for an obligation free ‘Time for You’ session: I would love to hear from you x