Life lessons

  • Life lessons

    12 ways to kick ‘Busy’ to the kerb

    ‘Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans’ ~John Lennon

    Can I ask you a question?

    When someone asks you how are you, do you tend to answer:

    a) ‘Good thanks, life is pretty great!’ or

    b) ‘I’ve been really busy lately.’

    I’m wagering that if you are like most women I know, ‘b’ is your default answer.

    So why has busy become the default badge of choice for the modern mum to wear at all times?

    Is it because we are supposed to have a successful and meaningful career, run a well organised household, spend quality time with our kids, catch up with our friends, exercise regularly, visit our extended family, and maybe indulge in a little sexy time with our husbands every now and then?

    Well yes, they may all be important things, but here’s the kicker: You are important too.

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    ‘I can take care of everyone~ but first me’

    is a motto that I try and live my everyday life by. You should not feel guilty for putting your own needs first every now and then. Because let’s face it, if I am too busy, run down, stressed and tired, then that affects everyone else around me, in particular my family. If the health and wellbeing of my family are a priority for me, then shouldn’t my own health and wellbeing be my number one priority?

    So when I feel overwhelm and stress creeping back into my life (and let’s face it, it always does, that’s simply the world we live in) I make a conscious choice to dial down the level of ‘busy’ in my life, and slow right down…

    Here are some of my go to ways to kick busy to the kerb:

    • Don’t push yourself to do something when your gut says no (trust your intuition, it usually knows best!)
    • Turn your FOMO (fear of missing out) into JOMO (joy of missing out) Sometimes it’s as simple as a mindset flip!
    • Take a mini rest break: pop on an eye mask and lie down for a few minutes: I promise the world won’t end!
    • Start tracking your menstrual cycle: learning your natural energy cycle is a game changer for productivity
    • Lie on the floor and put your ‘legs up the wall’ this is proven to calm the nervous system and help your body relax
    • Commit to having an epsom salts bath by candlelight at least once a week, this is a beautiful act of nourishing self care.
    • Put your phone away at least an hour before bedtime and escape your thoughts and all the ‘noise’ with a great novel instead.
    • Take a break outside. Mindfully drink a cup of tea basking in the sunshine instead of at your desk.
    • Say no without guilt or long winded explanations. Boundaries Boundaries Boundaries…don’t leave home without them!
    • Turn off notifications on your smartphone (trust me you won’t forget to check Facebook and Instagram!)
    • Try meditating daily for 5-10 minutes: in a chair, lying down, listening to relaxing music or use a meditation app (whatever floats your boat, just give it a try)
    • Take mini moments through your day to close your eyes, put your hand on your heart and breathe deeply (ps. this is actually a form of meditation, but if you just said to yourself that you can’t meditate, then try this!)

    It’s pretty simple really…being busy all the time is overrated, so take some time for a deep breath or two, and give yourself permission to slow down and simply be. Your mind, body and spirit will thank you for it (and quite possibly your family will as well!)

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    If you would like to chat to me about how I can help guide you to dial down the busy and bring more calm energy into your life and household, then email me at melissa@melissajeffcott.com and let’s organise an obligation free 20 minute call. 

  • Life lessons, Things I love

    Do you consider yourself creative?

    If you’re alive, you’re a creative person ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

    There is a faded water stained picture I have in my possession that I drew in 1978 (and yes I feel old when I realise that was 41 years ago!) It is of a group of women at the hairdresser…and I love it.  I love the the smiles on their faces, the detail of the salon, including some spiffy wigs for sale…just looking at it transports me back to being a young girl and the feeling of joy and quiet satisfaction I felt when engaged in doing something I loved.

    Now, I am under no illusions about my talents for drawing, and my wonky lines and crappy colouring in in this picture confirms my lack of ability. However, I love this drawing because it was probably the last time I created a piece of art and felt it was good enough. You see in my family (for better or worse), my younger sister was known as the ‘arty’ one, and I was considered the ‘brainy’ one. This may have been purely because I wore chunky tortoiseshell rimmed glasses as a kid in the seventies (before hipsters made them cool may I add) but regardless, these labels stuck for us both. I started to value my worth around being good academically at school, and viewed creativity and art as something my sister was good at and was consequently a waste of my time.

    And guess what? These self imposed labels stuck for YEARS. I completely stopped drawing and creating (even though I used to love it) because I felt I was no good at it.

    The amazing Elizabeth Gilbert (my literary girl crush) spoke about this in her wonderful book ‘Big Magic’, and shared the following, “All children naturally love to draw, but as time goes by, the talented and the gifted are singled out for specialness, and the rest of us put down our pencils, watercolors, and crayons forever — thereby losing a vital and exciting part of our creative interior lives.”

    In other words, most of us stop drawing at a very specific point in our lives: the moment we were told (or decided for ourselves) that we weren’t good at it.

    This was certainly true for me, and I can honestly say that I never attempted to draw again until a couple of years ago, when I started tentatively looking for the creative being I knew lurked deep within me. On a whim, I decided to enter an art supplies store (all the while feeling like a complete fraud) and hastily bought a sketchbook and drawing pencils. I left feeling strangely exhilarated, and as I hesitantly put my pencil to paper for the first time in so many years, I felt time stand still and once again entered that magical state known as creative flow.

    Now, I’d love to say that I immediately created some amazing art (it was pretty crap actually!) but I didn’t care, I felt a long stifled feeling of creative life-force reappear, much like when I started writing again, or when I dance without abandon around my living room. These are feelings we must treasure throughout our lives, and not abandon to our long ago youth.

     “A creative life is an amplified life. It’s a bigger life, a happier life, an expanded life, and a hell of a lot more interesting life. Living in this manner-continually and stubbornly bringing forth the jewels that are hidden within you-is a fine art, in and of itself.”

    I for one want to live my life like this, how about you?

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    If you would like to explore in more depth what creativity means to you, have you considered life coaching? Click HERE to find out more about working with me on uncovering the jewels that are hidden within..

  • Life lessons, Parenting

    Easy ways to stay connected to your daughter

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    “The days are long, but the years are short”

    Was there ever a quote that better sums up being a parent? One day you are waist deep in nappies and toddler tantrums, wondering if you will ever be able to go to the toilet in peace again, and before you know it you have moody teenagers and hormonal tweens (and you still wonder whether you will ever go to the toilet in peace again!)

    As the mother of 2 teenagers and a 10 year old, one thing I know for sure is that being a parent is never dull. Today’s little angel can be tomorrow’s hormonal nightmare, and things that once filled your daughter with joy will suddenly be looked at with disdain and scorn. So how do you stay connected to your daughter as she gets older and the idea of hanging out with her friends is much more alluring than spending time with you.

    On my recent ‘Stay Connected’ Mother & Daughter weekend retreat, I asked the mum’s to sit with their teen daughters and just listen (without speaking!) to the girl’s tell them what they need from their relationship now they were getting older. The one thing that all the girl’s said  they wanted was for their mum to really listen to them without always offering advice…sometimes just holding space for your daughter to feel heard and validated is enough, they will ask for your opinion if they want it!

    Now I know this is easier said than done (us mum’s know it all, right!) however, being fully present is such a powerful gift to give your daughter. As a facilitator of Women’s Circles I know that we ALL need to feel heard without feeling judged, and the power of simply holding loving space for someone to share while you actively listen is vastly underrated.

    The other thing that all girl’s wanted in their relationship with their mum was more quality one on one time together. Now this doesn’t have to mean expensive shopping trips, but rather the chance to do something together that you both enjoy, while checking in with each other and staying connected. Some ideas that came up included:

    • Do something creative together eg. paint, draw, knit, cook
    • Go for a mindful walk in nature together
    • Play a board game
    • Have a dance party in your living room
    • Make a special afternoon tea: pull out the good china and set the table
    • Schedule a regular coffee date where you check in with each other
    • Show (and tell her) how much you love her. Write little notes to each other, pick a flower for her, give her a quick hug as she is passing…
    • Above all else, time flies by fast, so remember to have fun!

    There are still a couple of spaces available at my Connected: Mother & Daughter weekend for 8-11 year olds coming up in October in Warburton. Click HERE for more details and bookings. Don’t forget to sign up to my mailing list at the top of the page to stay up to date with future mother/daughter weekends and workshops in 2019.

  • Life lessons

    Easy Ways to Winter Wellbeing

    I don’t know about you, but this Winter has been decidedly average for me. There are no holidays on my horizon (but thanks Facebook for showing me my friends sipping cocktails in warm locations, I’m not jealous at all!) and sickness has been an on and off constant companion over the past few weeks. Add in some exhausted kids and looming school holidays, and you might feel tempted to pull the doona back over your head and pretend like being a responsible adult isn’t part of your repertoire.

    However, there are a few go to tricks that I use to boost my own wellbeing over Winter, so it would be remiss of me not to share them with you as well! Not surprisingly, they all involve taking responsibility for your own self care (because let’s face it, Ryan Gosling is unlikely to knock on your door with a portable massage table anytime soon!)

    • Beautiful Bathtime Whenever I am working with a new client on self care goals, this is one of the first things I prescribe. A regular bath is a quick easy way to boost wellbeing, and combined with some candles, epsom salts, essential oils, a face mask (and even a glass of wine) it really does make you feel renewed and relaxed after a busy day.
    • Wonderful Nature I know it is cold outside, however regularly scheduling time to get outdoors and go for a walk really does feel energising.  Even better is scheduling some time for a weekend bushwalk or a long windswept walk along the beach. When it is colder there are usually less people around as well, so you can really take the time to mindfully enjoy yourself in the great outdoors.
    • Time for Tea Is tea the answer to all problems? Well, maybe not, however a restorative tea break can certainly warm your insides and elevate your mood. The trick is to use your favourite cup (not that old chipped mug) and make it a mindful experience. Take a break, put away your phone, and spend 10 minutes really enjoying your cuppa in a sunny nook or cosy corner.
    • The Magic of Music Music can be used in many different ways to boost wellbeing. Discovering or creating playlists depending on how you want to feel is a great idea (and it’s fun to do!) I have playlists on Spotify that are specifically for relaxation, women’s circles, exercise, dancing, and simply feeling happy! There are so many great music options to help you get into the mood that you desire to create.
    • When all else fails My secret tip for Winter Wellbeing ( I usually only share this with my clients) is to create a personal Self Care Basket for yourself. Spend some time thinking about and then writing down the things that make you feel good, and then putting together a special basket of items (for your use only) is a really lovely way to remind you to take time out for yourself when you need it. For example, you could fill a basket with items such as a scented candle, a favourite book or magazine, your favourite tea bags, chocolates, oracle cards, essential oils, mindful colouring in book, a cosy shawl…you get the idea. That way you have everything you need at hand to take some time out, fill your own cup, and just be.

    If you need a bit more accountability than a blog post to start focussing on wellbeing over Winter, then I have created a special Winter Wellbeing Coaching Session that is perfect to help you start feeling better right now (because why wait until it’s Spring to feel good!)

    Spend 90 minutes via Skype with me, and together we will create a positive action plan for maximising your self care over Winter without overwhelming your already busy life. Only $200 (that’s a saving of $50 off my usual price) please email me at melissa@melissajeffcott.com to make a booking and make the rest of your Winter a happy and well one!