Melissa Jeffcott

This month, I was very happy to interview Kirsten Roberts aka The Radical Life Mentor. She works with chicks to uncover their Inner Genius and create a business and life filled with joy, balance and abundant reward. She thrives in helping chicks lead their Radical Lives with the knowledge that their long held limiting beliefs and life’s expectations don’t define them anymore. Their life is exactly what they choose.

Kirsten is an incredibly passionate person who 100% is true to herself with no apologies, I hope you enjoy reading her take on living your most fabulous life on the other side of forty.

HOW HAS LIFE CHANGED FOR YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE OF FORTY? 

I turned 40 a year ago, and I have to say I am loving it so far. It has been a great opportunity to pause and reflect and choose who I really want to be. I have moved from the corporate world into starting my own business, and feel I have given myself permission to trust, love, and believe in myself. Shedding the corporate layers and who I always thought I ‘should be’ and stripping it back to the core ‘me’ has been one of the most amazing things I have ever done for myself. I have dyed my hair purple, I got my first tattoo, and I show up loud and proud in what I do.

WAS IT A DIFFICULT PATH TO MOVE FROM A CORPORATE JOB TO RUNNING YOUR OWN BUSINESS?

I feel I made it more difficult, by not having an adequate cash buffer behind me, so I put pressure on myself to be really successful from the very start. I would suggest looking at a way of still bringing some money in (e.g., part time consulting) while working to set up a new business so as you still have some cash flow. I just resigned and went for it. I’ve always had a strong sense of self belief, and I’ve always had the support of my husband and family in the quest to find out what it is in life that really fulfils me. The key thing for me was having really good mentors. I am a massive advocate of mentors no matter what stage of your business you are. I make sure I find the best mentors and I pay the best, as I know the results are so worth the initial outlay and help me grow so much faster, both personally and within my business.

YOU HAVE MADE SOME CHANGES IN YOUR PHYSICAL WELLBEING IN THE PAST FEW MONTHS, CAN YOU TELL ME A BIT ABOUT THAT?

Last year I was very focussed on starting up my business, and self care fell by the wayside. I was putting on weight, feeling constantly tired, and drinking alcohol every night. I knew it wasn’t just a matter of eating less and exercising more, a lot had to do with my mindset, so I sought out a coach to help me unlock some of the things going on in my mind. Looking back, I always felt like I was in crisis mode, and I didn’t feel joy at a deep level. By working with my coach Marci Lock, I have lost 10kgs in 3 months, and I’m the happiest I’ve been in my whole life. I have unlocked so many self limiting beliefs about what my life ‘should’ look like.  I now see that our life is what we choose to make it. By taking the focus away from the future, and making everyday decisions about wanting to feel happiness and joy in my life, I am living my best life every single day. Losing the weight is a side effect of this and I feel amazing.

HOW DO YOU BALANCE THE DEMANDS OF RUNNING YOUR OWN BUSINESS WITH THAT OF RAISING A FAMILY?

Two of my three kids are on the Autism spectrum, so we have a lot of management to deal with. What I have come to understand, is that where I am best served is in two areas: having quality time with my kids and family, and working on my business. Therefore, I have let go of the other roles I always considered a part of being a good mum, e.g., running the household, cooking meals, doing the shopping, paying the bills, buying birthday gifts etc. I now outsource all these tasks to an assistant/household manager who is like part of the family, therefore when I am home with the kids, I am fully present and engaged with them.  My thoughts are if you don’t enjoy it, then why should you do it? Paying for this is factored into my expenses in order to support my family and so I am happy doing what I am doing. Many women find this a really difficult concept, as most of us are raised to feel fulfilment from these roles.  However for me, I make it a priority to be able to afford to outsource these tasks that don’t add value to my life, therefore I am less stressed, and my family is happier.

WHAT ARE SOME SIMPLE THINGS THAT YOU DO FOR SELF CARE?

I am much better at this than I used to be. Now I journal every night in order to take all the jumble of thoughts out of my head and get them down on paper, so I can sleep well. Also writing the things that I am grateful for, means I am ending the day on a positive note, which is simple yet so powerful. Also, having all the support around the household that I mentioned before, really allows me to be better mum and person.

ANY ADVICE FOR WOMEN THINKING OF MAKING A BIG CHANGE IN THEIR LIVES?

Just FUCKING go for it! Life is what you choose it to be, if you aren’t living to your true authentic self and if you aren’t doing what inspires you every single day, then I believe you are slowly dying inside.  If you reach deep inside and tap into your ‘inner genius’ and create a life and career honing those skills, then you can live in inspiring fulfilment every day. Many women feel they have no choice, e.g., ‘I have to do this’ or ‘I should do this’.  Instead, you can say ‘I choose to live in joy and happiness’.  We can all change our lives and create a life that we want. Every decision we make is a choice, we can keep feeding the beliefs that leave us feeling unfulfilled or we can choose to create and feel joy in our life.

Kirsten Roberts aka The Radical Life Mentor can be found at http://www.kirstenroberts.com and http://www.facebook.com/kradlife

HOW HAS LIFE CHANGED FOR YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE OF FORTY?

I’ve been on the other side of 40 for a while now, and must admit to really enjoying myself. I am happier within myself these days – much more thoughtful and considered (unless I’m arguing with my 7-year-old, and then I’m back to my pre-teen days…sigh). I am more accepting of who I am, which makes me much less judgemental of others, and I have learned never to open my mouth with a closed mind, but to open my mind and close my mouth more often. Discovering my passion as a writer came as a great surprise during a difficult time when I came close to losing my husband and since starting my blog, Distractions of a Busy Mother, I have connected with so many women on a level I could never have imagined. I am more discerning with my relationships these days, without being unkind, and measure my time (and others’) as being more precious than gold. It’s trite, but true- life is too short to rest on one’s laurels. I’m more willing to take chances with different projects and avenues, and understand that when I work hard, I am always rewarded (though rarely with $ these days!) When I slack off, my life tends to come apart at the seams.

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS IN WRITING AND HOW YOU PUBLISHED A BOOK. WAS THIS HARD TO DO?

Well, probably my greatest writing achievement is my book, Bedtime Stories for Busy Mothers, which is a fully edited collection of essays about life after 40, as a parent, partner and person. Honestly, I really wanted to be ‘discovered’ by a well-known publisher. But after watching my husband go through a life-threatening illness, I decided that I couldn’t wait for someone else to decide I was talented, so I didn’t even try to get a manuscript in front of a publisher. I know how many they receive, and thought self-publishing was a perfect opportunity to learn about a changing industry. My blog essays were always well-received by readers and their positive feedback was enough to give me the nerve to do it. I researched what I had to do, talked to many authors and became active in my local writers’ centre. I learned how to critique others’ work, and also my own, and found the right people to help me launch my ideas (a mentor to help me to plan the project, an editor to slash my work, an artist who knew me and could represent my life on a front cover, a printer who did quality work at a reasonable price, a web page designer to help promote my values and a videographer to showcase my passion for what I write about).
I did most of the legwork myself to promote and sell the book, and sold over 1000 copies in the first 6 months, which is considered successful for an independently published local author.
It was a huge learning curve, and if I thought self-publishing was hard work, then the self-promotion and marketing of my own product was torturous. Standing in front of people being one’s own publicist and number one fan is extremely difficult. That’s the best thing about being traditionally published- to have people do all that stuff for you! But it’s made me more confident at public speaking and crash-tackling shoppers who look like they’re a mother or know a mother! Must put that one my CV actually – do you think LinkedIn will accept a new skill set?

HOW DO YOU BALANCE THE DEMANDS OF YOUR OWN NEEDS WITH RAISING A FAMILY?

I’m an all or nothing type of person, and balance is not my strong point although I wax lyrical about it to others. I try to do my paid work while the children are at school and in the evenings, but the last few years of my writing career have really sapped my ability to be a good mother and partner too. I finally learned to meet my own need for self-actualisation after years of caring for others, and it became an addiction. I found it difficult to stop, and demanded more and more ‘me’ time, to ironically, write about the importance of spending time with my family and how I manage parenting ups and downs. If I had been a little more balanced, the book journey would have taken longer, and my family might have had more ups and less downs. We’re okay now I’ve taken a regular paid role and spend less time at the keyboard, but overdoing a passion took its toll and I’m glad I realised when I did.

 WHAT ARE SOME SIMPLE THINGS THAT YOU DO FOR SELF CARE?

I spend quality time with people I love.
I read great books and put down anything that I don’t get into after 5 pages – there are a gazillion books to read and I’ll never read them all, so I only want to read the ones that speak to me straight up.
I spend time (and money!) in stationery shops, book shops, libraries and art galleries, soaking up the sensory beauty of them all.
I say ‘no’ more often when I mean ‘no’, and stay away from people and situations that stress me out as often as I can.
I listen to my body more these days and am learning its limitations!

DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR WOMEN THINKING OF MAKING A BIG CHANGE IN SOME AREA OF THEIR LIFE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF FORTY?

Take time to research yourself. Who are you? What floats your boat? What do you LOVE. What do you HATE? What are your strengths, weaknesses (Do a SWOT analysis and a MindMap about you and BE HONEST!)
If you’re a planner, make a life-plan/business-plan/personal-plan. It doesn’t have to be perfect – but it should be realistic and changeable. Sort of goal-setting, but really, just gives you an idea of what you want, how you’re going to get it and by when. Okay, who am I kidding? It’s goal setting.
Start a journal – helps you clear the busy-ness out of your mind and gives you space to reflect and problem-solve.
If you don’t like to plan, then just go for it. Stop doing things that make you unhappy. Only you can change your life.
Talk to friends and family about your ideas. Take or leave their advice, pick their brains and learn from them if you can – people want to help you.
Find a life-coach to help you on your journey – try them on for size first though- listen to your instincts.

FINAL PARTING WORDS?

The one thing I feel I know now is that we’re all doing the same thing. Different characters, plots and settings, with the occasional twist, but essentially, our storylines are parallel. Nobody is living an easy, stress-free life, and we all have challenges. The beautiful woman who looks like she has it all. Doesn’t. The superwoman who can balance work, love, kids and hobbies. Can’t always. The family who seems to be getting on perfectly. Isn’t. What you see when you look at others’ lives are tips of complex icebergs.
I am learning where my sphere of influence lies and trying to understand the boundaries. I don’t waste time with pleasantries when I meet a potential friend. I jump straight in in there with the big guns- what makes you tick? What floats your boat? What sinks it?
My biggest challenge as I edge closer to 50 is continuing to be honest when I ask myself those same questions.

Caylie Jeffery is a freelance writer, owner of Mindful Matter Publications and author of Bedtime Stories for Busy Mothers.  You can connect with Caylie in the following ways:
W: http://www.cayliejeffery.com.au
E: caylie@cayliejeffery.com.au
FB: http://www.facebook.com/BedtimeStoriesBusyMothers
TW: @CaylieAuthor

Thank you so much Caylie, there are so many nuggets of wisdom contained within your words, and I highly recommend Caylie’s book to any busy mum’s out there. If you have any comments, I would love to hear them below.

Welcome to the first interview in my new monthly series, ‘Fabulous Women on the Other Side of Forty’ At the beginning of each month I will be featuring a woman who has followed her passion and created a new and exciting life for herself on the other side of forty.  My hope is that this series is an inspiring insight into how everyday women are breaking out of their comfort zones, looking deep within, and finding what it is that truly nourishes their soul (and at the very least, it gives you a break from hearing me ramble on every week!)

I can’t think of a better way to kick off this series than with the lovely Kathy Wong, founder of Soul Republic and Moeloco, a soul driven enterprise selling beautifully designed thongs with inspirational messages imprinted on the sole.  Even more inspiring, with every purchase, Moeloco donates a pair of shoes to orphans supported by the Hope Foundation (a buy one-give one philosophy).

Kathy’s background is an interesting and diverse one.  The daughter of migrants, she completed university and ran her own successful design business for 19 years. However feeling increasingly unfulfilled, she sold her business and moved to the country. For the next nine years she explored her own personal development, and transformed herself into an artist – exploring her creativity and then helping others to unleash their creative souls. After leaving the country, Kathy returned to Sydney, remarried and established a new life after realising her deeper calling was to be a catalyst for positive change and to do something on a grand scale that would channel her talents, give back to the world and make a difference to those in need.  She knew she could have an impact on the welfare of children living in poverty. Her first step was to create Soul Republic through which she provides daily inspiration, encouraging people to follow their dreams. The next step saw the emergence of the social enterprise Moeloco, which means ‘dream crazy’.

Kathy’s ‘dream crazy’ is to go beyond inspiration and start creating products that contribute directly to the welfare of children. Moeloco is about leaving a lasting footprint – one step at a time.

 HOW HAS LIFE CHANGED FOR YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE OF FORTY?

It’s just become more enriching. The quality of my connections especially. I keep meeting so many new friends where we connect instantly on a much deeper level. I feel more confident in my own skin. I love who I am instead of always wanting to be something I was not. This happened more in my late forties as I approached my 50’s.

HOW EASY/DIFFICULT WAS IT FOR YOU TO MAKE THE CHANGE TO WHAT YOU ARE DOING NOW?

Quite easy. Once I knew I was going to make a difference, everything has flowed so naturally and easily. The idea for Moeloco was born in April, 2014 then in November that same year we went to market. I’ve never manufactured a product or retailed before, or had a social enterprise, so I could not have done this so quickly without passion and knowing this was my calling.

ANY WORDS OF ADVICE FOR YOUR YOUNGER SELF?

Enjoy the ride and don’t take yourself so seriously.

WHAT ARE SOME SIMPLE THINGS THAT YOU DO FOR SELF CARE?

Exercise daily, yoga and meditation regularly, get grounded in nature once a week, weekly nurturing through just taking a day out to do nothing. Eat well, consciously.

ANY ADVICE FOR WOMEN THINKING OF MAKING A BIG LIFE CHANGE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF FORTY?

Just do it! What have you got to lose. Once you get out of your own way, amazing opportunities will open up way beyond your wildest dreams! Dream crazy, of course our Moeloco mantra!

ANYTHING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO ADD?

Be the change you want to see in the world!

Thanks Kathy, I love your advice to get out of your own way and just do it! 

You can check out the Moeloco website and pick yourself up a beautiful pair of thongs (or flip-flops for our international friends who may think I am talking about something else altogether!) at http://www.moeloco.com